I'm 75% complete with my degree program. While I'm just a step away from graduation, I get the urge to quit. For instance, I had a hard time tonight with a programming project. I turned one in that clearly had an error that I couldn't figure out. The other program flat out didn't work so I didn't turn it in. I should probably turn it in for some credit. Some credit is better than no credit. As I'm ready to cry over these projects I wonder if this is really what I want to do. I work my ass off, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm not good at math, and I clearly don't have a talent for programming. My foreign language program was cut at my school, leaving me with a ton of options that really don't please me whatsoever.
The Japanese language is my passion. My school, unfortunately, doesn't offer a program for that. I have to mull my way through a program I don't like just to get my A.A. degree so I can move on to my B.A. somewhere else, doing something I'll like. It's getting monotonous and I'm bored to tears. I'm also very frustrated with myself, wondering why I cannot seem to get through these classes that I once had so much passion for. I don't feel like I've got anything to work for anymore, no goal. When I started all of this, with the encouragement of a dear friend, that was my motivation. He cheered me on and it helped me suffer through this shit so I could look forward to doing something I wanted to.
Now that encouragement isn't there. I miss the talks we used to have, and how they used to motivate me to be a better person. I don't have that motivation there anymore, and it's terrible. I feel lost.
I just really want to stop and reassess what I'm doing, and where I'm going. I'm just so damn depressed and no one in my family seems to understand.
05 March 2011
Even though it was intimidating as hell (because of all that can go wrong), my girlfriend and I did the relaxer the other night.
Oh my goodness, the difference in her hair. Girlfriend has crazy curls, but to be on the safe side she got the regular strength instead of super strength.
There are some good and bad points to this system:
- You have to move fast. The owner of the beauty supply store gave me some tips after the fact, but going into this blind it was very difficult. The easiest way (according to both the instructions and the owner of the supply shop) was dividing into four quarters, two in front and two in back, and then working from the back to the front since the back has a thicker and kinkier texture than the hair in the front. I did manage to do it, but I went way over the 8 minutes that the instructions gave me.
- Not enough smoothing time if you aren't quick with that application.
- Will strip out hair color. Relax first and then color, ladies!
- The smell. The smell was so pleasant it didn't feel like we were working with chemicals at all.
- Easy to mix. While all of those bottles seem daunting, it was insanely easy to mix everything together. After everything was mixed, the smell got even better.
- Great texture that made application easy peasy, save for the time issues.
- The included leave in conditioner. It left girlfriend's hair so soft and silky.
I'd definitely recommend this product to someone looking to relax their hair without all of the lye and funk that you find in many relaxers. Her hair has been amazing since we did it. It's not bone straight like mine is, but it's not curly anymore. It's got a gentle wave to it, something that just happens on it's own. No need to blow dry or flat iron.
It's been a few days since the relaxing experience, and I've since been to the supply store myself. Since I got paid recently, I decided a little spoilage was in order. For under $30 I managed to get:
- Two combs, one wide tooth and one rat tail
- Three hair color application brushes
- 3 sided shape, buff, and shine block
- Two headbands
- 200 bobby pins
- A tub of Cantu Break Cure
And my favorite find of the day:
OPI Nail Lacquer in Aphrodite's Pink Nightie
I have been cleaning all day long, including doing things where my hands and nails take some damage, and I'm yet to chip this polish. It went on extremely smooth in just two swipes per coat and dried much faster than I had anticipated. One coat offered a lovely sheer pink, but two makes the pink totally pop.
I adore the way it looks on my skin tone. I have issues finding soft colors that look good with my skin, so finding this made my day.
|Please pardon my Skeletor hands!|
Finally having someone to go out and do girly things with has totally turned me around on how I do things. Now I'm not fond of going out without even the lightest touch of mascara, or going to work without my hair being done.
Who knew that being a girl was this damn fun!