29 October 2011

Chasing My Tail

No matter how hard I try, I feel like I am getting nowhere.

One week after having a wisdom tooth removed I have another toothache.

I need a root canal. I know I need a root canal. The root canal and crown will cost me about $1500. I don’t have that kind of money, so I am doing everything I can to try to earn the money. I have been given more hours at work, I’m working after hours at the shop, and I’ve got some merchandise that I am selling on eBay for Bossman. Even so, it seems like things aren’t happening fast enough. I am in a lot of pain, but I have to keep working harder and harder.

And I feel like I am getting nowhere, chasing my tail.

I know life isn’t supposed to be easy, but it doesn’t necessarily have to suck as hard as it is now. School is getting overwhelming, and keeping medicated at all times to calm the tooth pain isn’t helping any.

Readers of this blog must think I endlessly bitch and whine. I assure you that this is not the case. You get all of the bitch and whine here because I cannot do it in my life outside of the internet!

If I stop moving, I may not start again. I am so tired.

23 October 2011

One Step At A Time

I am on day five nearly smoke free. I went four days without a cigarette at all (under doctor's orders), and when I finally had one again it tasted terrible. In the past twenty four hours I have had maybe a cigarette and a half.
Hopefully I will be completely smoke free by the holidays.

18 October 2011

All Done

I had my tooth pulled today. It was an adventure.

First off, I have been having panic attacks all day long. I was so scared.

When I got to the dentist, they put me in a room with no nitrous and I had another panic attack, this time with tears and the shakes.

I had to wait longer for a room with nitrous to be open for me. I was too afraid to go without.

Getting the tooth pulled sucked. It sucked. It was uncomfortable and it mildly hurt.

The bleeding has finally stopped and I'm sleepy. I was given even more medicines to take for the next few weeks.

I cannot wait to be finished with all of this dental work.

16 October 2011

Some Favorites

Dead Tired

The last week and a half has been pure hell. I haven't been getting home until late every night, always completely exhausted.

I honestly feel like I haven't slept in at least a week, though I've slept at least six hours each night.

I feel like school is getting harder now that I'm coming closer to my associates degree.

Work is getting harder because of my increased hours (though I love the pay).

Then there are family obligations on top of it all.

I feel like I am stretched so thin that I am not going to be able to do it all without going out of my mind.

I had intended on cutting back on my smoking and being completely smoke free by the Christma holidays, though that seems completely out of the window now. I get stressed out, I smoke.

It is better than getting completely drunk, I suppose.

I got my degree audit in the mail last week, informing me that I am close to the end of my degree program (which I already knew) and that I am eligible for graduation in the spring. I am excited yet afraid, wondering if I am going to be able to do it.

It is time to start planning on what I will be doing for my bachelor's degree now. I wish to stay at the school I am at, even though they don't offer all of the programs I want. It will be a decision I have to make by next fall.

Listening to the GazettE's latest right now (Toxic). To be honest, I'm not sure what I think about it yet. A lot of electronic influences, something different than what I am used to hearing from them. I won't be able to base a true opinion of it until I listen to the album a few times. For now it is good fuel for cleaning house and working on homework.

12 October 2011

Hells Yeah!


This is like my dream come true. I am going to definitely keep an eye out on this to see what happens.

I know that I am not the best blogger in the world, and I'm very far from influential, but this could be an excellent opportunity for me to see the country that has held my fascination since childhood. It will also give me a chance to use the bits and pieces of Japanese I've learned ^.^

Ok, back to studying for midterms. I had to get my excitement out!

09 October 2011

I Don't Know If I Can Do It

Between work and school, I am having so much trouble this semester.

The only class I am doing extremely well in is my economics class. The others I am passing, but barely.

I only have one more semester before I finish my associates degree, and I wonder if I will actually be able to complete it with top marks like I'd like.

My bestie and I cheer each other on, though I wish I had more people on my side giving me encouragement.

I haven't been feeling well for at least three days now. I have yet another infected tooth so I have been put on yet another round of antibiotics. They are making me sick as all hell. To add insult to injury I am being given more hours at work after Bossman decided to cut another girl's hours. I know I was given the hours because I am one of the lead employees, and I do appreciate it as I have dental bills to pay, though the toll it is taking on my body and my schooling is not entirely worth it.

Sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for all of this, and the jobs that will come in the future once I have my programming degree.

Sometimes I wonder if I would just be content to get married and be a housewife.

Not. Very. Likely.

During my downtime being sick I've been piddling around a lot on the internet. I found a site where I can make little avatars, so I created one. I'm not one hundred percent pleased with it, though I do adore the hair. I have always wanted to do this to my hair, but don't have the courage.

That is how I used to dress when I was in high school, minus the amazingly cool hair. The only thing missing now are a pair of earrings ^.^

I open the shop tomorrow, so I need to go to bed soon. I am just staying up long enough to take my last dose of antibiotics for the night. I cannot wait for this infection to go away so I can go in and get the tooth pulled. I'm scared to death, but as long as I have my nitrous I will be fine. Anymore it seems that in that dentist's chair with my nitrous is the only time I can truly relax and be stress free. 


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