01 December 2015

Something Has to Change

I knew that I've been gaining weight. Ever since my ankle surgery I haven't been near as active as I used to be. This thing hurts. It hurts almost all of the time. 

For readers who are new, you can read all about my adventures with a shattered ankle in this post. Somewhere in the deep abyss of my computer I have my x-ray photos. They are pretty gnarly, too. 

Either way, since then I've gotten (gasp) fat. This is the biggest I've ever been in my life. The only time I weigh myself is when I go to the doctor. I do this mainly because I depress very easily and I don't want to spend my life feeling even more like a big old beached whale like I do now. 

Right now, at my biggest, I am 164lbs according to my last trip to the doctor. The lowest I've been is 100lbs. 

It didn't really hit me exactly how big I've gotten because most of my clothes that my sister gave me still fit very nicely. One of my favorite pairs of pants is even getting big on me. 

Then I saw this picture that my sister in law took on Thanksgiving of me eating with my bf and dad. 


I wanted to cry when I saw it. 

I look like a huge beached whale. 

This is even after I've made changes in my life, like no more sodas and very limited carbs. I exercise by cleaning house and and walking my dogs yet I still look massive. 


Maybe it was the angle because this one doesn't look near as bad. Then again I'm hiding my gut with a sweater. (For once, it got chilly on Thanksgiving). 

It makes me so depressed to look at that first picture. I cannot believe I'm so big. 

I have already eliminated most meat from my diet, minus chicken. I'm thinking of kicking most meat and animal products. I have done a vegan diet before, and it might just be time to completely go vegan. I enjoyed it and I didn't feel as constantly full. 

I do minor exercising in addition to my housework and walking the dogs, like toning exercises. 

It is at the point where I am beginning to get desperate. 

One day I will get back to where I want to be. 




2 comments:

  1. Awe stay strong, you have to trust yourself. I trust you, even if I don't know you, that you can get back to where you want to be! I'm also depressed with my weight and other things in live but I kiss want to encourage you to be happy and know that you can do it! I started a blog because I was unhappy with life so I wanted a place I can escape reality. If you would like to check it out and be friends, I'll leave the link below!

    jtingsdiary.blogspot.ca

    ReplyDelete

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