02 June 2017

A Lot Has Changed

I know I've been really MIA lately. This last six months has been a whirlwind of events that have essentially set my life on it's ear.

I managed to make it through the depression of losing my father then I suddenly lost my aunt in January. She had a brain aneurysm on a Sunday and was gone by Tuesday. No signs, just feeling a bit off and then suddenly gone.

Then in February we found out that I'm pregnant! We hadn't really been trying, I just stopped taking my birth control and left it in God's hands. Some people I know have taken over a year to conceive so I didn't expect anything right away, but we were one and done!

Everything has been fine for the most part, except I got my prenatal care a little later than normal simply because when I had my first ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy the doctor didn't see much of anything so she told me to come back in a month. That month made a world of difference - from nothing visible to seeing a spine. Super freakin cool. So yeah, most things that are done at a certain time I'm doing roughly four weeks late.

We've also been seeing a specialist because the US tech at my normal office saw something on the baby's heart. It turned out to be a heart murmur, which we have been assured has an extremely high chance of being gone before the baby is even born, and if it's not completely gone it will be gone within the first year. There is a minute chance that it will be there for the rest of the child's life, but it won't be detrimental. It will just mean the difference between being a daredevil and having to play it safe with more creative endeavors.

The cool thing is the baby is extremely active. It's so active to the point that what should have been maybe a 30 to 45 minute US and ECG took just over an hour because baby just Would. Not. Stop. Moving. The hysterical part is my grandmother has it in her head that active babies are the product of druggie mothers, so when I told her how active the kiddo is she said something along the lines of "well, you know what you've taken". Yeah. Benadryl, Tylenol, and Tums. Sudafed and children's Robitussin when I was sick with a gnarly sinus funk. All things approved by my midwife and specialist.

Such a druggie.

That shut her up really quick.

I also love when someone automatically assumes that the baby was an accident because I'm not married. 

I may not be married, but I've been with the same man for the last twelve years. Twelve years

Let that shit sink in. 

This child is not a trap because after twelve years I do believe I have that ish on lock. 

We've raised his three kids together and decided we wanted to build our own family together. 

He's been there with me through thick and thin, through illness and college and everything in between. 

He's been taking care of me since 2014 when I all but had a mental breakdown and haven't been able to do much since. He found a better paying job, got his drivers license since I can't drive, worked on repairing my car so it works top notch so we have a reliable way to go, does all of the shopping since most grocery stores are so large it sends me into panic attacks, takes me to all of my doctor's appointments... Need I go on? He's been doing this for years now, and if he was that damn tired of it he would have taken off well before now.

Believe me, the last thing I needed to do was "trap" him with a baby. 

If that was my intention it would have happened within the first few years. But it didn't because I felt just as confident in our relationship then as I do now. 

I've also grown extremely tired of the freakin' horror stories. One of my closest friends hasn't spoken to me going on two weeks now because I broke down and told her I was tired of her essentially scaring me. There were no positive stories, almost all of it was negative, and some of her information was incorrect. 

Episiotomies aren't illegal. They are just done less frequently than they were 20 years ago, and are typically only done in the case of the child being stuck and in distress or if the doc/midwife ends up having to deliver via forceps or vacuum. Even then it can be accomplished without slashing through your damn gooch. 

I also don't have to go to my local, non maternity ward having hospital for transfer when I go into labor. I've been instructed to call my midwife and then go to the hospital that I will be delivering in. 

While several people I know have ended up with gestational diabetes, so far it doesn't look like I'm in the same boat. I'm very diet conscious and haven't gone insane eating whatever I'm craving. I crave shit like tacos and meat anyway rather than sweets and carbs. 

I've got things fairly planned out as far as what I want in the delivery room, from things I do and do not want procedure wise down to who I want in there with me. I'll have people in there advocating for me if I'm not able to do so myself. I've done my research, in addition to when I was studying for nursing, so I know the signs and symptoms of things and know when my body is headed south for whatever reason. 

Now I just have to rely on the team at the hospital to be just as active in my care as I am. The midwife I have now is amazing, but the hospital has a rotation of three different midwives during the week and my normal midwife on the weekends. 

Being told how things are going to be doesn't work for me. I want to have my own birth experience. Every birth is different. Just because one person had something bad happen doesn't mean it's set in stone. Just because someone had something great happen doesn't meant that is set in stone either. 

It's just a lot easier hearing reassurances versus all of the extremely shitty things that could happen. I'm fully aware that there are loads of shitty things that can happen. The United States has the highest maternal mortality rate out of the developed world. I'm fully aware of the risks. Childbirth is freakin dangerous. Rather than breaking me down stand next to me and share the shitty things after I've given birth and ready to share my story (if I ever do). 

And yes, I am very aware that I will probably poop on the table as I push. This has been the one solid piece of information I've gotten from all of my mommy friends that delivered vaginally. You will probably poop. It's inevitable. 

The nurses also won't care, by the way. The see it all the time. 

You can be sure to see more pregnancy related posts in the coming weeks. I've got a lot to say, mainly about how much I've learned and some of the random changes that happen. Some amusing. Some frustrating and gross. It's insane what our bodies can do! I'm sitting at around six months right now and it's definitely been an adventure thus far.

Any mommies with advice or adventures to share? I'd love to hear your stories! 

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